My biological clock was steadfastly asleep for 424,051,200 of those seconds.
‘The call when it comes’ can either sound like a tiny trembling child left out in the cold, ‘how long will you leave me out here?’
OR.
It can be a roaring in your ears that just yells in frustration. “Wake up before you die”. And I swear, it was only when I heard the word ‘die’ did I pay attention.
I had just bought my very first car, hell; I have about 3 years of car payments left!! Not to mention the fact that I have to for once, pick the ‘NOT THE WRONG’ guy! Seriously, with all the wisdom garnered through my 20’s, I at least need a chance to make a ONE right choice. We are not going to tally up past mistakes here, because honestly, the past is like time. It’s just gone.
But I still had so much to do, I mean, I had to try and save the world with my buddy Smitty, I had to have that unforgettable trip with Rids across India and I still have to backpack across Europe with Suraj!! I still had to torture my Family for many more years!!
SO HOW DOES DIE FACTOR IN!? And for goodness sakes, what the hell was wrong with me?
Eyes- Check
Ears- Check
Hands- Check
Legs- Check
Feet - Check
Brain- Double Check
So really there was nothing missing, so what was wrong? And still there was annoying voice, which annoyingly sounded like a synthesized cross of my Mom (sorry Ma) and an old friend of mine. The voice kept saying MANY times, but I am an expert at select hearing. So all I would hear was, “you need to and then it was a bunch of static!
A lot of us have something about ourselves that we can never admit. For me, I think if a person is skinny, then they have NO Secrets! I mean what self-shame can a skinny person have!?? So since I never wanted to admit anything to myself, I was never the opposite of skinny. In other words, plain simple English; I could (can) never admit, I am Fa…………T ( Somehow that just makes it better) I don’t know how, it just does.
So there I was, blaming my poor abused metabolism for what I have basically done to myself. If it wasn’t that, then it was some ancient hormonal almost problem I had as a teen. But most times, I saved the worst for my Mom and a yellow chair. If you had, if only you hadn’t, if you stopped me, YOU SHOULD HAVE. Oh My Word, it’s a wonder she still puts up with me.
The problem was, it’s been years since I really looked in the mirror. It wasn’t that I was unhappy with the way I looked. I just stopped thinking about the way I looked. The only effort I would take, is with my hair. If my hair is right, I can take on the world. So if the mirror didn’t give me grief, then why should I bother?
I wish I could say that I have sweet tooth, I DON’T In any given year, I probably consume 5-6 Chocolate Bars, that too in a space of about 2 months each. It’s almost always, Hershey’s Almond Chocolate Bars. If not that, it would be Ferrero Rocher. I don’t have the urge every time I go to the grocery store, in fact, I mostly don’t realize there is a candy aisle in the stores.
So since I don’t have a sweet tooth, then you must be thinking its JUNK FOOD.
Nope. I do NOT like Junk food. I do not look at those (in my opinion- ugly) billboards and smack my lips. My stomach doesn’t even rumble. Unless we are on a trip somewhere, I have never gone into drive through, MD’s, BK, CJ, J in the Box voluntarily.
I am not a smoothie addict.
I don’t drink a lot of Soda’s.
I don’t consume alcohol everyday; in fact not even every week! I am more sober throughout the year than Parish Priest. (Please no judgments)
I HATE Cheese
I don’t like Pizza
So what the hell has caused that lying stinking weighing machine to reflect that lying stinking numbers!
HOW can I have a problem when NONE of the above applies to me?
And that’s why that smirking imp on my shoulder whispered. Because you are Indian!!!
I love everything fried, burnt, and roasted and with a HUGE serving of carbs. NOT a side of carbs, a full gigantic serving of Carbs.
I have ‘seasons of fitness’ where I would go on fitness craze and watch what I ate for a few months. And then, I would not just fall of the wagon, I would slide down hill ALL THE WAY. It was such a game of catch up. “Andrea must now catch up to the last season of exercise undertaken last fall? What will be the Verdict?” Almost always; a very self deprecating NO.
In March 2011, I changed jobs. Previously, I was always on the go. For the first time in my life, I was actually working somewhere where I had to sit for EIGHT HOURS. When that’s all you do for eight hours, staring at the screen, the mind can be a dangerous thing. Especially in a city like San Francisco, where if you sneeze you’re in Carb Heaven, depending on which avenue you’re on!
So I took the poor whimpering voice and the sardonic imp and went to discover what all treats were in store. I rationalize that since I travel for about 4 hours a day to and from San Jose to SFO, I really had NO MORE energy for a work out!
After a few months, I began to feel pain in places I never I had before. I’ve always had lower back pain, my never in my life had my spine ached like this. Walking, which I could for hours, was a chore. So here I am thinking, I don’t eat junk food, I’m always travelling… So what’s going on?
This time it was the voice of my mother, who said, “Well you’re not a teenage anymore. You’re body is changing as you grow older and you can’t take it for granted” All I really heard was: NOT TEENAGER CHANGING OLDER. Nope didn’t make ANY sense! My mother had nooo idea what she was talking about.
But it was like an approaching storm, I could sense it within myself. I was getting short tempered, I didn’t want to go out, I just wanted to get through the day and then the next. For some time, I was really not me.
I tried many ways to avoid it, until one day, like an avalanche it hit me, I am FA…..T It was like my sub conscious was finally tired of throwing subtle hints and said, Dammit woman, You just HAVE TO MOVE.
And so I did.
I bet you are expecting a before and after story after ALL this reading. But the truth be told, I am finally realizing, there is no after. I am accepting, that now it’s BEFORE and DURING. I don’t want to realize after I am gone.
The first day, I went to an outdoor park with an outdoor gym. It was one of the hardest days of my life, but also one of the most joyous. I could admit it, that I had to fix something.
Every day, I choose to have more control over myself. Wise Women said (who said there were only wise men), so wise women said, that we can really only control ourselves. Everything else is within the power of the Universe or as I like to say, within the God within me.
There will be days when I will be about to fall off that wagon. Now I know how to recognize the signs and just hitch that wagon to post for a short rest before I continue this journey.
‘The call when it comes’ can either sound like a tiny trembling child left out in the cold, ‘how long will you leave me out here?’
OR.
It can be a roaring in your ears that just yells in frustration. “Wake up before you die”. And I swear, it was only when I heard the word ‘die’ did I pay attention.
I had just bought my very first car, hell; I have about 3 years of car payments left!! Not to mention the fact that I have to for once, pick the ‘NOT THE WRONG’ guy! Seriously, with all the wisdom garnered through my 20’s, I at least need a chance to make a ONE right choice. We are not going to tally up past mistakes here, because honestly, the past is like time. It’s just gone.
But I still had so much to do, I mean, I had to try and save the world with my buddy Smitty, I had to have that unforgettable trip with Rids across India and I still have to backpack across Europe with Suraj!! I still had to torture my Family for many more years!!
SO HOW DOES DIE FACTOR IN!? And for goodness sakes, what the hell was wrong with me?
Eyes- Check
Ears- Check
Hands- Check
Legs- Check
Feet - Check
Brain- Double Check
So really there was nothing missing, so what was wrong? And still there was annoying voice, which annoyingly sounded like a synthesized cross of my Mom (sorry Ma) and an old friend of mine. The voice kept saying MANY times, but I am an expert at select hearing. So all I would hear was, “you need to and then it was a bunch of static!
A lot of us have something about ourselves that we can never admit. For me, I think if a person is skinny, then they have NO Secrets! I mean what self-shame can a skinny person have!?? So since I never wanted to admit anything to myself, I was never the opposite of skinny. In other words, plain simple English; I could (can) never admit, I am Fa…………T ( Somehow that just makes it better) I don’t know how, it just does.
So there I was, blaming my poor abused metabolism for what I have basically done to myself. If it wasn’t that, then it was some ancient hormonal almost problem I had as a teen. But most times, I saved the worst for my Mom and a yellow chair. If you had, if only you hadn’t, if you stopped me, YOU SHOULD HAVE. Oh My Word, it’s a wonder she still puts up with me.
The problem was, it’s been years since I really looked in the mirror. It wasn’t that I was unhappy with the way I looked. I just stopped thinking about the way I looked. The only effort I would take, is with my hair. If my hair is right, I can take on the world. So if the mirror didn’t give me grief, then why should I bother?
I wish I could say that I have sweet tooth, I DON’T In any given year, I probably consume 5-6 Chocolate Bars, that too in a space of about 2 months each. It’s almost always, Hershey’s Almond Chocolate Bars. If not that, it would be Ferrero Rocher. I don’t have the urge every time I go to the grocery store, in fact, I mostly don’t realize there is a candy aisle in the stores.
So since I don’t have a sweet tooth, then you must be thinking its JUNK FOOD.
Nope. I do NOT like Junk food. I do not look at those (in my opinion- ugly) billboards and smack my lips. My stomach doesn’t even rumble. Unless we are on a trip somewhere, I have never gone into drive through, MD’s, BK, CJ, J in the Box voluntarily.
I am not a smoothie addict.
I don’t drink a lot of Soda’s.
I don’t consume alcohol everyday; in fact not even every week! I am more sober throughout the year than Parish Priest. (Please no judgments)
I HATE Cheese
I don’t like Pizza
So what the hell has caused that lying stinking weighing machine to reflect that lying stinking numbers!
HOW can I have a problem when NONE of the above applies to me?
And that’s why that smirking imp on my shoulder whispered. Because you are Indian!!!
I love everything fried, burnt, and roasted and with a HUGE serving of carbs. NOT a side of carbs, a full gigantic serving of Carbs.
I have ‘seasons of fitness’ where I would go on fitness craze and watch what I ate for a few months. And then, I would not just fall of the wagon, I would slide down hill ALL THE WAY. It was such a game of catch up. “Andrea must now catch up to the last season of exercise undertaken last fall? What will be the Verdict?” Almost always; a very self deprecating NO.
In March 2011, I changed jobs. Previously, I was always on the go. For the first time in my life, I was actually working somewhere where I had to sit for EIGHT HOURS. When that’s all you do for eight hours, staring at the screen, the mind can be a dangerous thing. Especially in a city like San Francisco, where if you sneeze you’re in Carb Heaven, depending on which avenue you’re on!
So I took the poor whimpering voice and the sardonic imp and went to discover what all treats were in store. I rationalize that since I travel for about 4 hours a day to and from San Jose to SFO, I really had NO MORE energy for a work out!
After a few months, I began to feel pain in places I never I had before. I’ve always had lower back pain, my never in my life had my spine ached like this. Walking, which I could for hours, was a chore. So here I am thinking, I don’t eat junk food, I’m always travelling… So what’s going on?
This time it was the voice of my mother, who said, “Well you’re not a teenage anymore. You’re body is changing as you grow older and you can’t take it for granted” All I really heard was: NOT TEENAGER CHANGING OLDER. Nope didn’t make ANY sense! My mother had nooo idea what she was talking about.
But it was like an approaching storm, I could sense it within myself. I was getting short tempered, I didn’t want to go out, I just wanted to get through the day and then the next. For some time, I was really not me.
I tried many ways to avoid it, until one day, like an avalanche it hit me, I am FA…..T It was like my sub conscious was finally tired of throwing subtle hints and said, Dammit woman, You just HAVE TO MOVE.
And so I did.
I bet you are expecting a before and after story after ALL this reading. But the truth be told, I am finally realizing, there is no after. I am accepting, that now it’s BEFORE and DURING. I don’t want to realize after I am gone.
The first day, I went to an outdoor park with an outdoor gym. It was one of the hardest days of my life, but also one of the most joyous. I could admit it, that I had to fix something.
Every day, I choose to have more control over myself. Wise Women said (who said there were only wise men), so wise women said, that we can really only control ourselves. Everything else is within the power of the Universe or as I like to say, within the God within me.
There will be days when I will be about to fall off that wagon. Now I know how to recognize the signs and just hitch that wagon to post for a short rest before I continue this journey.
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